One of the coolest things about preparing for the mission trip, and something I did not expect, was the opportunities it brought about for me to get to know some of the people at my church that I didn't already know. We have only been living here a year, and while the members of our church have always been nice to me, it has mostly been in a "smile and nod" type way. Maybe an occasionally hello or comment about how cute the kids are.
I was really blessed by how encouraging and friendly the people at my church were when I gave the short info talks about the trip. And then I was planning for my garage sale and met lots of people that way too. I had asked for donations for the sale and was approached at church and also had people calling me (or sometimes just showing up at my house) with items they wanted to give me to sell. I'd say 75% of the people who gave me items were people I had never had a "real" conversation with. Most of the people were older/elderly and many were giving me items that had some kind of meaning for them. It was actually really cool. Someone would bring me a box of items and then sift through it with me explaining what they had brought and, in many cases, telling me a little story about how they got an item, where it came from, etc. It was an interesting way to get to know some of the people at church that I might not have otherwise met.
On the other side of things, I think this experience gave people a chance to get to know me better too. I was up in front of church on a regular basis talking about something that is important to me, in addition to writing bulletin insert blurbs and an article for the monthly newsletter. It gave people a way to connect with me, something to ask me about other than the kids.
Now, on to the mental prep part of getting ready for the trip.
A lot of people have asked me if I felt bad leaving the kids for 10 days. The kids spent the time with their daddy who, thankfully, has a flexible work schedule in the summer and was able to be home with them with little impact to his job/normal life. I was not in even the slightest way worried about how the time would go for the 3 of them. Eric is an excellent daddy and the kids love him. I actually really looked forward to that time for them because I knew it would be good for all of them. Plus, Nana Sharon came for part of the time from Colorado, and who can beat a visit from an out of town Nana?
I didn't feel much emotional stress about leaving until just a couple of days before I left. About a week before I was scheduled to leave, the US State Department re-issued their travel warning for Haiti. This warning recommended no non-essential travel into Haiti due to lack of governmental and police presense and escalating violence and criminal behavior (burglary, kidnapping) towards travellers entering Haiti via Port-au-Prince's airport. I didn't think much about changing my plans, but it did reinforce that there could be danger on this journey.
The last few days before I left for my trip, I was pretty emotional. My mind was in a lot of places, but the overwhelming emotion was deep sadness. Part of the sadness was fear that I would actually die while I was there, leaving the kids and Eric without "the mama". This thought occasionally crosses my mind anyway - how would my family do if I died in an accident or something? - but it is very different when headed into an unknown situation that could potentially involve violence or disease? I was sad that I might miss my kids lives. And sad that if I died while they are so young they wouldn't remember much about me, and Little Man probably nothing at all. And, yes there's more!, sad that if I died on this trip, it would totally be MY OWN FAULT! since I chose to go and "put myself at risk". In fact, thinking back on how I felt then, I still get teary and emotional.
Less serious but adding to the emotion was dealing with the emotions of choosing to leave my family for the 10 days. This one probably sounds silly to most people. In fact, it sounds silly to me, but things are different for those of us living in the world of Stay-at-Home-Mom-dom. My life is pretty much 24-7 about my kids. Even the things I do for myself are affected by my kids because my free time is scheduled based on their schedule. When Eric and I have a date night or, extremely rarely, a getaway weekend, there is always the thought of what is going on at home, whether the kids are being good and are happy, what they will be doing when we get home, etc. The decision to go on this mission trip was the first major decision I have made in at least 5 years that was selfish in that it was made without "considering" the kids. (That isn't really accurate because Eric and I did discuss the kids when we talked about whether I should go, but my choice was made "in spite of" the kids not "because of" or "for" them.) God called me to go on this trip and one of the challenges for me was accepting that call and not using the circumstances of my life as an excuse. Not saying "I can't go because I have kids" (or "I can't go because [insert random reason here].")
It was a hard couple of days. I was excited to leave, nervous about going, busy preparing and spending time with my kids while fighting sadness about leaving them and the occasional "this might be the last time they get to play at the park with their Mommy" type thoughts.
And then, leave day came!
I'm glad you are sharing this. (Now I need a Kleenex!)
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